Show Me the Money!

Because Fabulousness Doesn’t Pay for Itself!

You thought I ran this business for the love of the craft? Please. I’m in it for the cash. Let’s be real—being this spectacular isn’t cheap. I’ve got my sights set on a few essentials to keep my lifestyle as grand as it deserves to be. Each of my sales goals below brings me one step closer to the fabulous items I have my heart set on.

Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t just want stuff—I want the best stuff. If I’m running this business, it’s only fair that I treat myself to some luxuries along the way. I’ve got my eyes on top-tier essentials that are worth every penny. So, here’s what I’m aiming to snag once the sales roll in. Think of it as my ‘treat yourself’ list… because no one deserves it more than me.

  • GOAL #1. Sell 100 downloads

    Because plain collars are for the peasants. Why settle for average when I can shine brighter than everyone around me? I need something that screams, “I’m better than you,” and this diamond-studded collar does exactly that. Once I hit this milestone, this beauty will be mine.

  • Goal #2: Reach $5,000 in Sales

    Eating like royalty, because, well… I am. I refuse to eat from anything that doesn’t reflect my status. Right now, I’m slumming it with a regular bowl—embarrassing, I know. When I hit this goal, I’ll upgrade to a gold-plated food bowl that truly matches my fabulousness.

  • Goal #3: Hit $10,000 in Sales

    “Why should I have to wait for my humans?” My humans are slow. I need a machine that knows when I want a snack and delivers, no questions asked. The minute I hit this sales goal, an automated treat dispenser is joining the team, ensuring my cravings are satisfied instantly.

  • Goal #4: $20,000 in Sales

    For when I need to escape the peasants (aka Captain), A simple cat tree isn’t enough. I need a towering fortress, complete with tunnels, perches, and hidden alcoves. Once I reach this goal, the ultimate cat tree mansion will be mine, providing the perfect perch for judging everyone from above.

  • Goal #5: $100,000 and Beyond

    No dogs, no humans, just me and my fabulous self. Long-term goal, but hey, I’ve got ambition. Once this business really takes off, I’m booking myself a one-way ticket to an island paradise—dog-free, naturally. A private island escape fund is my ultimate prize for all my hard work.

So, what are you waiting for?

Every sale gets me one step closer to living the life I deserve.

Join The Meowfia

Ready to be part of the elite? Join the Meowfia and get exclusive access to insider tips, behind-the-scenes chaos, and plenty of perks. The humans might think they run things, but you know who’s really in charge. Don’t miss out—click below and prove you’ve got what it takes to be in Salty’s crew.

Step up to Salty’s Stage

Salty doesn’t hide in the shadows. If you want feedback from me, you’ll get it loud and proud—in front of an audience. No fluff. No sugarcoating. Just the raw, brutal truth.

Bring It, If You Dare!

Think you’ve got what it takes? Share your work, and I’ll deliver my brutally honest feedback live on my blog and social media. Only the strong survive here, and I’m here to make sure you level up. Whether you’re ready or not, your marketing better keep up.

Salty Loves a Challenge!

Want to see if your ideas can handle the heat? Leave a comment or tag me on social media. I’m always up for a good challenge—or just another chance to flex my genius. Show me what you’ve got, and let’s see if you can hang.

Nominations

Do you or someone you know  need a harsh a reality check on their marketing? Tag me in their comments or submit their website or campaigns. I’m always ready for a roast…er…to give my feedback.